In sickness and in health

There once was a girl with bronchitis
resulting from bad gingivitis:
she had such a cough
that her head popped right off,
and teeth flew both leftus and rightus.

Her wife (herself wracked with pneumonia)
slapped her forehead and was heard to groan-ia
“Oh, no! With my wheezes
or a fit of the sneezes
I worry that I got some onia.”

“Never fear,” said Wife One with great vigor;
“It matters not WHAT pulled the trigger.
Put to rest your compunction;
what we need is an unction
that’ll keep us from becoming sigger.

I’m sure there’s a cure pharmaceutical;
don’t gnaw on your very last cuticle!
We agreed, when we married,
we’d both bear what each carried.
Now gimme a smooch matrimootical!”